Thursday, September 6, 2012
Growing
Two nights ago, I was able to talk to my little sister for the first time in a month.
She is going through training for NET (National Evangelization Team) right now in Minnesota.
This is a program where older youth (mostly college age) will go through training and then be put on a team to either stay at one parish or travel the country for a school year all the while ministering to middle school and high school age youth. This is her first time away from home for an extended period of time and it has been an adjustment for her, my parents and youngest sister, and even for me. We have always been pretty good friends in that finish-sentences-laugh-together-silly-sister kind of way and though through college we didn't talk a ton, I always knew I could call her and catch up when needed.
She has been there just right about a month and since their days are packed and are even without their phones for periods of time, we have not been able to talk since she left. I was very glad she was able to call during their laundry time the other day.
I knew NET would do amazing things for her faith and life in general but I have to say I was completely blown away by the change in her even after only a few weeks.
It was so wonderful to hear the joy and excitement in her voice as she recapped her time there. She has always been a good Catholic, involved with church activities, pro-life, outgoing...etc...but she has her faults like everyone else (duh!) and the past months after graduating college have been times of uncertainty for her. Living with my parents. Trying to figure out what to do with life. What to do about her boyfriend. You get the idea.
What I heard on the phone was a girl who has grown tremendously in a short period of time. I started thinking about how we were raised and we are certainly different, but there are certain shortcomings that we both share. It was so amazing to hear her talk about how she has realized there are things she needs to/wants to work on and change about herself. Some of these things, lack of self-discipline, issues with timeliness (my family was always late to everything! Ugh!) are both things we have in common and also things that she has never before seen as a real problem.
I started thinking about God and how He of course knows us, knows our hearts, and puts us in situations where we can grow into the people he wants us to be. For me, it has been my dear husband, and for her, NET. I have struggled with those things forever and God in his wisdom put me with an amazing man who succeeds in places I fall short. He has encouraged me to keep trying and in the process, I have taught him patience :) as well as tact in expressing himself. I say these things not to speak ill of my sister, my Dh, or even put myself down, but to say that we are all children of God that struggle with different things, and I think it is just beautiful that He puts people and experiences in our lives that help us improve. As a priest said on one retreat I went to "Be patient with me, God isn't finished with me yet!" So true! We are forever a work in progress. She is too, of course. But I thought it was such a neat moment to hear her say that she is ready to work on those things that I have been working on since Dh and I have been married.
Another thing that struck me..
She knows that God has called her to this ministry for a reason and she wants to focus on serving him with her whole heart. She misses home, her boyfriend, our family, but she is trying to keep her heart in the right place. She was talking about how much she desires to be a wife and a mother and that it is easy to jump ahead to thinking about what will happen after this is over. (She is head over heels for this nice, Catholic boy and would totally marry him anytime, I think ;) She said she has prayed that God will take away those desires for a time so she can concentrate on her mission at this time, and if these things are not what He desires for her, that He will take them completely. This made me think of the times I have thought of my own desires to be a mother and prayed that God will help me to desire the things that He wants for me. I have talked to my sister about our struggle with IF, and I know she tries to understand, but while I was getting married and thinking about these things, she was in college and going out with friends and such. We were just in such different places in our life.
This was one of the first times in quite a while I felt like I could really relate to her and she to me. We finally have something that unites us in our lives that is a little deeper than liking the same music and movies.
After I got off the phone, I really felt that I had been on a mini retreat myself! Listening to her growing faith and excitement was inspiring to me and made me so thankful that God puts us right where we need to be.
Every heartache, every uncertainty, disappointment and pain God can and will use to unite us to him in our suffering, and help us to grow in holiness. If there is one thing IF has taught me, it's that every single person has a cross to bear. Something they are working through or dealing with. IF is such a silent struggle that you just never know who may be going through the same thing. Perhaps the person at the store who seems either uninterested in helping you or even unkind has just received another BFN or is on their Nth treatment. There are times you just want so badly for someone to understand. This community has been a blessing in that way. For a moment in our phone conversation, I got a glimpse of something more. A common goal. A shared struggle. Even if it's not IF related, I at least hope that dealing with IF has made me a more compassionate person.
The waiting, the disappointments, the jealousy, crying, and uncertainty that go hand in hand with IF can all suck it. But the things I hope I bring with me after leaving this Island are compassion for others struggles, and a fierce live-for-the-moment-grateful-for-blessings attitude towards life.
I am praying that whatever God wishes us to have that he will place the proper desires in our hearts.
No matter how long it takes, or what he has in store, His plan will be the best one, but sometimes
it is nice to know you are not in a struggle alone.
I've been doing so much keep-you-up-at-night thinking about everything lately. It is nice to have a place to attempt to untangle those thoughts.
I am thankful for the people that God gives us
to help us grow.
I am thankful for my sister. For what God is
doing in her life. And I am quite proud of her.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Returning to blogland
I think it's time to come back.
I didn't intend on taking such a long break after my last post...it just sort of happened.
I've had many topics I could have written about that have been swirling in my head for weeks, but nothing ever seemed to make it into a post. I've had lots of time to think and though I am still working through a few things, I do believe I'll be able to sort it out enough to write more in depth for posts in the coming weeks.
I'll start with a very good thing.
Last Wednesday was our third anniversary!! Three years down and looking forward to 238,712 more lovely ones to come. Well, I would settle for 75 I suppose.
A few pics from a few years ago.
We started the celebrations the weekend before with a "reverse date"! My Dh is so awesome and knows how much I love dessert.We I have been wanting to try this sweets place where you can make ice cream sandwiches by picking any kind of cookie and ice cream you want. The past few dates, we have eaten dinner first and then been too full/tired to go for dessert.
So, Saturday, despite the rain, we went to the sweet place first and then to dinner after. Afterwards we went to Wal-Mart, got the Hunger Games (which had just come out!) and went home for our movie. It was so lovely and nice to do something different for a change!
Then on Wednesday, our actual anniversary, we went downtown for another nice evening.
I have to say, in the midst of things that go wrong, are unexpected or difficult, it was sure nice to spend the whole week being thankful for the biggest blessing God has given us...our marriage. (Thankful everyday of course, though)
We have had our ups and downs and I can honestly say that this third year has been our best yet! We have worked through so much and I cannot even believe how blessed we are to have each other. (goeswithoutsayingbutIwillanyway... I crazy love this man!!:) Going into our fourth year I have such high hopes that God will continue to bless us. I pray that no matter what happens (good, bad, ugly, or fantastic) I will be able to approach each situation or even challenge with the mindset that God loves us, we have our lives, and we have each other. There are no guarantees in life, and I want more than anything to wake up everyday thinking of our haves and not the have-nots.
With that said, we would love nothing more on this earth than to be blessed with a child. When I left off last I believe I had just finished my last bloodwork appointment. At my doctors appointment, he said that most of my hormones look fine, except for that darn progesterone. Apparently it starts out okay and then drops after the peak time. He prescribed clomid for days 5-9 and then I will start HCG injections on P+3, P+5, 7, and 9. I am definitely a bit nervous about having shots at home. When I had the HCG booster before, it was only one shot and it was done by a nurse. My Dh has said he will do them, but I just want to make sure and not mess anything up! If nothing happens in three months, he will send me to Austin for surgery. I think this would be to check and see if my tubes are open, no endo and that sort of thing. I am pretty hopeful it will not come to that but who knows. I don't want to totally psych myself up to be completely let down either!
As nervous as I am about the shots, I say...bring it on!! I am definitely glad to have a new game plan, and besides if this is what it takes to get to meet our sweet babies, then I will gladly do it! I am even glad that there was some sort of problem. I would hate for them to say, "Don't see anything wrong, not sure what to do with you!"
Lord knows I have had my meltdowns in the past weeks. Those times I know it is only Jesus that holds me because normally I am by myself when it hits me out of nowhere. I am grateful for my life, for my wonderful husband of three years, and feel in my heart that God would not give me this desire to be a mother without something coming from it. If not biological, then adopted (and maybe even both anyway) and if not that, then nannying, and if not that then just loving the heck our of my nieces and nephews and any other children I can find.
I haven't been commenting much lately, but I have certainly kept you in my prayers through your individual ups and downs. My heart has both rejoiced and broken with many things I have read recently. Through it all, I am still thankful for this community.
Thank your for your prayers for me too. I appreciate it more than you know!
A lot of thanks was already in this post,
so I'll leave it at that for today.
I didn't intend on taking such a long break after my last post...it just sort of happened.
I've had many topics I could have written about that have been swirling in my head for weeks, but nothing ever seemed to make it into a post. I've had lots of time to think and though I am still working through a few things, I do believe I'll be able to sort it out enough to write more in depth for posts in the coming weeks.
I'll start with a very good thing.
Last Wednesday was our third anniversary!! Three years down and looking forward to 238,712 more lovely ones to come. Well, I would settle for 75 I suppose.
A few pics from a few years ago.
We started the celebrations the weekend before with a "reverse date"! My Dh is so awesome and knows how much I love dessert.
So, Saturday, despite the rain, we went to the sweet place first and then to dinner after. Afterwards we went to Wal-Mart, got the Hunger Games (which had just come out!) and went home for our movie. It was so lovely and nice to do something different for a change!
Then on Wednesday, our actual anniversary, we went downtown for another nice evening.
I have to say, in the midst of things that go wrong, are unexpected or difficult, it was sure nice to spend the whole week being thankful for the biggest blessing God has given us...our marriage. (Thankful everyday of course, though)
We have had our ups and downs and I can honestly say that this third year has been our best yet! We have worked through so much and I cannot even believe how blessed we are to have each other. (goeswithoutsayingbutIwillanyway... I crazy love this man!!:) Going into our fourth year I have such high hopes that God will continue to bless us. I pray that no matter what happens (good, bad, ugly, or fantastic) I will be able to approach each situation or even challenge with the mindset that God loves us, we have our lives, and we have each other. There are no guarantees in life, and I want more than anything to wake up everyday thinking of our haves and not the have-nots.
With that said, we would love nothing more on this earth than to be blessed with a child. When I left off last I believe I had just finished my last bloodwork appointment. At my doctors appointment, he said that most of my hormones look fine, except for that darn progesterone. Apparently it starts out okay and then drops after the peak time. He prescribed clomid for days 5-9 and then I will start HCG injections on P+3, P+5, 7, and 9. I am definitely a bit nervous about having shots at home. When I had the HCG booster before, it was only one shot and it was done by a nurse. My Dh has said he will do them, but I just want to make sure and not mess anything up! If nothing happens in three months, he will send me to Austin for surgery. I think this would be to check and see if my tubes are open, no endo and that sort of thing. I am pretty hopeful it will not come to that but who knows. I don't want to totally psych myself up to be completely let down either!
As nervous as I am about the shots, I say...bring it on!! I am definitely glad to have a new game plan, and besides if this is what it takes to get to meet our sweet babies, then I will gladly do it! I am even glad that there was some sort of problem. I would hate for them to say, "Don't see anything wrong, not sure what to do with you!"
Lord knows I have had my meltdowns in the past weeks. Those times I know it is only Jesus that holds me because normally I am by myself when it hits me out of nowhere. I am grateful for my life, for my wonderful husband of three years, and feel in my heart that God would not give me this desire to be a mother without something coming from it. If not biological, then adopted (and maybe even both anyway) and if not that, then nannying, and if not that then just loving the heck our of my nieces and nephews and any other children I can find.
I haven't been commenting much lately, but I have certainly kept you in my prayers through your individual ups and downs. My heart has both rejoiced and broken with many things I have read recently. Through it all, I am still thankful for this community.
Thank your for your prayers for me too. I appreciate it more than you know!
A lot of thanks was already in this post,
so I'll leave it at that for today.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Random quick updates
1.
I am DONE with my tenth and FINAL bloodwork!!! Last Friday I waited in the little office and greeted those who have taken my blood over the past few weeks for the last time. (Well, for a while at least..)
I am SO happy to be finished with this part. It has gone pretty well overall. I only really freaked out on the P+7 when they pulled out 5 vials instead of 1! My stomach flopped over and I had a meltdown when I got back in the car. Really though, I've been pretty positive and I am just holding tightly to the reason I'm doing this and pray good will come from it!
My next appt with Dr P is the 27th and I am anxious/hopeful/nervous to get those results and hopefully get some new plan of action.
2. We had a family reunion for Dh's Side last weekend and it was SO much fun!! We drove down to a tiny TX town and enjoyed family fun, food, and winning prizes for the day. (Our crew totally dominated the raffle..guess we should buy some lotto tickets with our luck! ;)
It definitely brought up lots of emotions. Basically I felt an overwhelming mix of happy and sad all at once and I teared up but was fortunately able to calm down quickly. I felt extremely blessed to be part of such a lovely family and watched and listened as family members introduced themselves and their children. I so enjoyed listening Dh's GM and her sisters speak of days past and answer questions about what life was like "back in the day." It was a wonderful reminder to be thankful for the modern conveniences we have today and a great way to gain from the wisdom of a few ladies who knew what it was to do things the hard way and work together as a family. Looking around the room, I was in awe of how the love of two people can grow such a huge family tree and create so many other branches. I can only hope and pray that Dh and I will be blessed with little ones to branch off and spread their love in the world. I am fascinated by this possibility!
3. We live in a newer edition and we have had open space on one side for two years now. I was so sad to see that they are now building right next door and yesterday sounded something like an earthquake and a thunderstorm were competing for who could be the loudest. Even had a rock flipped up by the thing that tills the ground and hit our kitchen window! Grrr...I just hope we get nice neighbors!!
4. Today I am cleaning our dreadfully disorganized office!! I have done this many times before but things always seem to fall apart again in this room after a few months. This is in part due to our mutual dislike of sorting mail and partly to my habit of bringing hope stray picture frames, vases, and various other thrift store finds which seem to fill up the space quickly. I cleaned it once when Dh was out of town for a week and I was so proud to surprise him with the difference when he returned home. He was excited too...and then proceeded to rearrange the desk and shelves in there thus making everything a mess again. Ha, oh well. :) Maybe this time it will stick..sure hope so!
5. This past weekend we were visiting family again, this time to see some extended family of mine in AR. It is not very often that we are able to see them and it was SO nice to get to spend some time talking to aunts, uncles, and cousins who are some of my favorite people in the world! Among my family members, they are the fun, devoted Catholic, easy to talk to even after a long while people that I wish lived just a bit closer. I will most likely spend another post talking about our trip, but for now I'll just say that it was a breath of fresh air that was so enjoyed by both of us.
6. Thank you for those who commented with your advice on my last post! I really do appreciate your comments so much!! I will definitely visit Dr. H's site for more info and continue to research vacuums.
7. Mini date downtown with Dh tonight after he finishes his super long bike ride after work (60 miles, yikes!) Happy Monday!! :)
Thankful for plenty of space in our lovely house to mess up,
and for washers and dryers to clean all the laundry from our trip!
I can't imagine doing everything "the hard way" like our grandparents!!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
So many (random) questions, so little time!
Hello there ladies!
Today I have questions for you. I know that there are many different people out there with different experiences and expertise so I have been thinking about a few things lately and just wondered if y'all have any advice.
First and most importantly, I have questions about two different friends of mine.
The first is the lady with the twins that I nanny for. I have been with this family over two years now and they trust me so I've gotten to know more than a bit about them. The lady, A, from what I understand has really bad endometriosis as well as cysts on her ovaries. She has tried a special diet that is supposed to help endo and she says she does feel better when she is on it. Sometimes though the cysts will grow and (I'm not sure how often but it has happened twice since I have been there) rupture. Those days were so awful for her and she went to the hospital because of the pain. I know she has had surgery about a year ago to laser the cysts but I don't think they want to do that again and add even more scar tissue. The most recent rupture was a few weeks ago and I think she said her doctors are going to want to put her on Lupron (I believe) to help things. They are not Catholic and did IVF to get their twins and do not plan to do it again. I know her doctor has suggested a hysterectomy in the past but she wants to avoid that as long as absolutely possible.
The second lady, M, is the wife of a guy who works with my Dh. They have a girl who is three and a boy who is about 8 months. This family has gone through SO much in the past few years. She has gone into early labor twice now and had her girl around 26wks and her boy at 25wks. We were talking a few weeks ago and she said she read something about progesterone and its importance when she was pg with the boy and asked her doctor about it. He didn't see any use for it and said it wouldn't make a difference. Not wanting to go into pre-term labor like before she got another opinion but he said the same. She said she always wondered if it would have made a difference and would have helped her carry her babies longer. She said they would like to have more kids but she is so afraid it would happen again and they have already spent enough time in the NICU! The little boy has had lots of eating issues but both kiddos are doing pretty well now considering the crazy months after they were born.
I know Dr. Hilgers has helped so many women and I was just curious if any of you have had, or known of someone with similar situations. Do you know of any articles I could pass along that might help them? I am certainly no expert and I am not even sure of all the services Dr. Hilgers offers which is why I am asking for advice. Neither of them are Catholic, but I think if I were them, I would just want the best possible care and to know that I left no stone unturned. I just want to be prepared if the topics ever come up again! Thanks in advance, y'all!
And now for the less important question...
I am in the market for a new vacuum! We got a cordless Linx when we got married and I have enjoyed how lightweight it is as well as not dragging a cord around the house. Now, though, I am totally DONE with this thing! About every third time I use it, it gets clogged and I end up on the floor with tiny screws spread all around me while I try to jam this twisted cord contraption down into the thing to try to pull out the clogged dog hair. Definitely NOT my favorite way to spend the day. We have a golden/lab mix that sheds like crazy (understatement!) and this vacuum is just not getting the carpet as clean as I would like. Vacuuming is my absolute favorite chore to do around the house and it is driving me nuts that this one is doing such a poor job. What I would like is a super powerful, hopefully not too heavy, corded, vacuum that works wonders on pet hair with a bucket (not a bag) to empty that will not totally break the bank (I'm hoping for under $200!), maybe even with an attachment for the furniture? Hey, a girl can dream right? So, if any of you know of such a magical vacuum, I hope you will let me know. I have been researching online but wanted some extra advice.
I know that's a lot to ask for one post but I will appreciate any and all feedback!!!
As for ttc, there's not much to update....I have 6 blood draws down and only 4 to go and then hopefully we can get some REAL answers about what is going on with me and how to fix it!!
Silly as it may sound, today I am thankful for my pup
who gives me motivation for morning walks and company
during the day (even if she does have a serious shedding
problem!;)
Also thankful for a summer that has been hot, but certainly
not unbearable! (Can't believe it's July and most days are
still under 100 degrees! Thank you Jesus!)
Today I have questions for you. I know that there are many different people out there with different experiences and expertise so I have been thinking about a few things lately and just wondered if y'all have any advice.
First and most importantly, I have questions about two different friends of mine.
The first is the lady with the twins that I nanny for. I have been with this family over two years now and they trust me so I've gotten to know more than a bit about them. The lady, A, from what I understand has really bad endometriosis as well as cysts on her ovaries. She has tried a special diet that is supposed to help endo and she says she does feel better when she is on it. Sometimes though the cysts will grow and (I'm not sure how often but it has happened twice since I have been there) rupture. Those days were so awful for her and she went to the hospital because of the pain. I know she has had surgery about a year ago to laser the cysts but I don't think they want to do that again and add even more scar tissue. The most recent rupture was a few weeks ago and I think she said her doctors are going to want to put her on Lupron (I believe) to help things. They are not Catholic and did IVF to get their twins and do not plan to do it again. I know her doctor has suggested a hysterectomy in the past but she wants to avoid that as long as absolutely possible.
The second lady, M, is the wife of a guy who works with my Dh. They have a girl who is three and a boy who is about 8 months. This family has gone through SO much in the past few years. She has gone into early labor twice now and had her girl around 26wks and her boy at 25wks. We were talking a few weeks ago and she said she read something about progesterone and its importance when she was pg with the boy and asked her doctor about it. He didn't see any use for it and said it wouldn't make a difference. Not wanting to go into pre-term labor like before she got another opinion but he said the same. She said she always wondered if it would have made a difference and would have helped her carry her babies longer. She said they would like to have more kids but she is so afraid it would happen again and they have already spent enough time in the NICU! The little boy has had lots of eating issues but both kiddos are doing pretty well now considering the crazy months after they were born.
I know Dr. Hilgers has helped so many women and I was just curious if any of you have had, or known of someone with similar situations. Do you know of any articles I could pass along that might help them? I am certainly no expert and I am not even sure of all the services Dr. Hilgers offers which is why I am asking for advice. Neither of them are Catholic, but I think if I were them, I would just want the best possible care and to know that I left no stone unturned. I just want to be prepared if the topics ever come up again! Thanks in advance, y'all!
And now for the less important question...
I am in the market for a new vacuum! We got a cordless Linx when we got married and I have enjoyed how lightweight it is as well as not dragging a cord around the house. Now, though, I am totally DONE with this thing! About every third time I use it, it gets clogged and I end up on the floor with tiny screws spread all around me while I try to jam this twisted cord contraption down into the thing to try to pull out the clogged dog hair. Definitely NOT my favorite way to spend the day. We have a golden/lab mix that sheds like crazy (understatement!) and this vacuum is just not getting the carpet as clean as I would like. Vacuuming is my absolute favorite chore to do around the house and it is driving me nuts that this one is doing such a poor job. What I would like is a super powerful, hopefully not too heavy, corded, vacuum that works wonders on pet hair with a bucket (not a bag) to empty that will not totally break the bank (I'm hoping for under $200!), maybe even with an attachment for the furniture? Hey, a girl can dream right? So, if any of you know of such a magical vacuum, I hope you will let me know. I have been researching online but wanted some extra advice.
I know that's a lot to ask for one post but I will appreciate any and all feedback!!!
As for ttc, there's not much to update....I have 6 blood draws down and only 4 to go and then hopefully we can get some REAL answers about what is going on with me and how to fix it!!
Silly as it may sound, today I am thankful for my pup
who gives me motivation for morning walks and company
during the day (even if she does have a serious shedding
problem!;)
Also thankful for a summer that has been hot, but certainly
not unbearable! (Can't believe it's July and most days are
still under 100 degrees! Thank you Jesus!)
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Really?!
Are you seriously kidding me, AF??!
I cannot start my bloodwork until CD5 and I cannot get to CD5 if you won't just come already!!
I have HAD IT with you and your ridiculous antics so will you please stop tormenting me with this pre-CD1 spotting and just start for real!! UGH.
I hate over-analyzing everything!
I just want to be done with this last cycle and move on so we can get some answers!
I even give you permission to come this time and then you have to make it that much harder by messing with my mind.
Do.
Not.
Need.
This.
Right now.
I am SO over you, AF.
Feels good to write that down somewhere. Do NOT like being extra emotional. Sorry to be a downer...
Thankful for a God who is patient with me even when I'm not patient at all.
I cannot start my bloodwork until CD5 and I cannot get to CD5 if you won't just come already!!
I have HAD IT with you and your ridiculous antics so will you please stop tormenting me with this pre-CD1 spotting and just start for real!! UGH.
I hate over-analyzing everything!
I just want to be done with this last cycle and move on so we can get some answers!
I even give you permission to come this time and then you have to make it that much harder by messing with my mind.
Do.
Not.
Need.
This.
Right now.
I am SO over you, AF.
Feels good to write that down somewhere. Do NOT like being extra emotional. Sorry to be a downer...
Thankful for a God who is patient with me even when I'm not patient at all.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Father's Day
I wasn't expecting to need a post to talk about Father's Day.
Sure, Mother's Day I was all prepared to experience the pain, emptiness, and longing that any IFer dreads on the day that celebrates moms. But Father's Day would be different (so I thought).
I woke and the first thing Dh says is that he got an email wishing him a happy father's day from a local prolife group complete with an image of a dad holding a little one.
"That was a low blow," he said. The message meant no harm, of course, but for a couple who has been praying, dreaming, hoping for such a little blessing, it was difficult.
The feelings came up again in Mass when at the end the priest called for all fathers, grandfathers, soon-to-be fathers, and.....godfathers to stand up to receive a blessing. I felt so awful just like I did on Mother's Day and so in the moment I nudged Dh that he should stand since he is a godfather. I said that D (our godson) would want him to. When he sat back down, he said it just didn't feel right and neither of us could hide our sadness after that.
In the car on the way home he started talking about his Grandpa who passed away a few years ago. His Gm and Gp raised him and his sister and brother so this was the only father he had known. We talked about what an amazing man he was and how much he taught him and then Dh called his Gm to let her know we were thinking about her. He then got excited and wanted to text his BIL who just found out he was going to be a dad a few weeks ago (see last post) and said how happy he was for him. Then he called his brother who has our sweet godson, and who will also have a baby girl in November. There is a picture that I took of Dh's brother in the hospital holding D when he was born and the love you can see in his face is a look that I just cannot wait to see from my Dh. I just know he has the capacity to love our own children with everything he has.
He has such an amazing heart. Always willing to help anyone at a moment's notice and he just so wonderful with kids! Now, I love being a nanny and spending time with small ones, but if we go somewhere with new children, he is always the one that gets them to open up first. Next thing I know, he will be on the floor with a play stethoscope around his neck assessing the stuffed patient of a toddler. (Definitely a big kid himself and I love it!) He sometimes says that kids do not like him till they are two. I know this is the age when they are easier to play with but I know he will learn how to snuggle with a newborn when we have one.
I see him with his cousins.
I see it when he's talking to my 12 year old sister.
I see him with our nephew.
Heck, I even see him "snuggle" with our dog and I think about what a great dad he will be.
(We have a big 'ol furball who regularly sits on Dh's recliner with him. 45 pounds is NOT a lap-dog by the way! She is definitely his "baby" at the moment..ha.)
We have talked before about the people he works with and how having a baby for some is something just plain undesired. We were unfortunate enough to be at one of his co-workers' house for a football game shortly after they found out they were pg. We were even more unlucky that his wife decided it would be a grand time to show everyone the video of when she told her husband they were pregnant. (Seriously?!)
I believe his reaction was something to the tune of "holy s*#! and he didn't mean it in a good way.
UGH.
My Dh then for months had to listen to this guy talk of how "his time" was over and how he wouldn't have any more fun after the baby was born.
I cannot wait till I can tell him the best news ever and see the look on his face! Our lives will never be the same, but it certainly will not be the "end of fun" as some people see it. Will it be challenging?
Of course!!! It will be a huge life change and I'm sure it will take plenty of time adjusting to a life with sleepless nights and mountains of diapers. But I also know that it will be the most incredible moment when we become a family of three and we are able to welcome a living blessing into our home.
I am normally the one more easily discouraged and disheartened by IF, but I have definitely seen little glimpses of how much my Dh wants this as well. I feel better when I think of something that makes the wait seem worth it such as, more time as a married couple, more time to get finances in order, more time for Dh to finish his master's program. I have told him before that maybe God wanted us to wait so he can get his degree and then have more free time to spend with a baby. We know that everything happens for a reason and that God's timing is more perfect than anything we could hope for ourselves....but some days it just feels like it is just that much more time until we get to meet the little person who already seems a part of our family. In our hearts they sure are. We already have the names and all we need are the faces! It is such a bizarre feeling loving someone you've never met and being not sure that you ever will. All we can do is hope and pray that someday we will.
I said before that I still feel quite positive lately and that I feel our time is coming sooner than later.
I will begin my labs in a week or two and I know that we are headed in the right direction with an awesome doctor. We have also talked about adoption lately and I know that we are open to it, but pray that God will fling that door wide open if that is what He wants so there will be no doubt.
I have been more determined than ever lately to not sit and waste this time of waiting away. I do NOT want to be lazy! I am going to do all I can to make sure I can be the best wife, sister, daughter, Catholic I can be so that when God entrusts a little one to me, I can be the best mama possible! The prospect is scary and exciting all at the same time. Dh and I will surely be imperfect messes, but I pray that God will help us be good parents, and our wait with IF will ensure that we will not take any moments for granted.
I am thankful today for my awesome hubby
and pray we get to celebrate him as a dad soon.
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. "
-Albert Einstein
Sure, Mother's Day I was all prepared to experience the pain, emptiness, and longing that any IFer dreads on the day that celebrates moms. But Father's Day would be different (so I thought).
I woke and the first thing Dh says is that he got an email wishing him a happy father's day from a local prolife group complete with an image of a dad holding a little one.
"That was a low blow," he said. The message meant no harm, of course, but for a couple who has been praying, dreaming, hoping for such a little blessing, it was difficult.
The feelings came up again in Mass when at the end the priest called for all fathers, grandfathers, soon-to-be fathers, and.....godfathers to stand up to receive a blessing. I felt so awful just like I did on Mother's Day and so in the moment I nudged Dh that he should stand since he is a godfather. I said that D (our godson) would want him to. When he sat back down, he said it just didn't feel right and neither of us could hide our sadness after that.
In the car on the way home he started talking about his Grandpa who passed away a few years ago. His Gm and Gp raised him and his sister and brother so this was the only father he had known. We talked about what an amazing man he was and how much he taught him and then Dh called his Gm to let her know we were thinking about her. He then got excited and wanted to text his BIL who just found out he was going to be a dad a few weeks ago (see last post) and said how happy he was for him. Then he called his brother who has our sweet godson, and who will also have a baby girl in November. There is a picture that I took of Dh's brother in the hospital holding D when he was born and the love you can see in his face is a look that I just cannot wait to see from my Dh. I just know he has the capacity to love our own children with everything he has.
He has such an amazing heart. Always willing to help anyone at a moment's notice and he just so wonderful with kids! Now, I love being a nanny and spending time with small ones, but if we go somewhere with new children, he is always the one that gets them to open up first. Next thing I know, he will be on the floor with a play stethoscope around his neck assessing the stuffed patient of a toddler. (Definitely a big kid himself and I love it!) He sometimes says that kids do not like him till they are two. I know this is the age when they are easier to play with but I know he will learn how to snuggle with a newborn when we have one.
I see him with his cousins.
I see it when he's talking to my 12 year old sister.
I see him with our nephew.
Heck, I even see him "snuggle" with our dog and I think about what a great dad he will be.
(We have a big 'ol furball who regularly sits on Dh's recliner with him. 45 pounds is NOT a lap-dog by the way! She is definitely his "baby" at the moment..ha.)
We have talked before about the people he works with and how having a baby for some is something just plain undesired. We were unfortunate enough to be at one of his co-workers' house for a football game shortly after they found out they were pg. We were even more unlucky that his wife decided it would be a grand time to show everyone the video of when she told her husband they were pregnant. (Seriously?!)
I believe his reaction was something to the tune of "holy s*#! and he didn't mean it in a good way.
UGH.
My Dh then for months had to listen to this guy talk of how "his time" was over and how he wouldn't have any more fun after the baby was born.
I cannot wait till I can tell him the best news ever and see the look on his face! Our lives will never be the same, but it certainly will not be the "end of fun" as some people see it. Will it be challenging?
Of course!!! It will be a huge life change and I'm sure it will take plenty of time adjusting to a life with sleepless nights and mountains of diapers. But I also know that it will be the most incredible moment when we become a family of three and we are able to welcome a living blessing into our home.
I am normally the one more easily discouraged and disheartened by IF, but I have definitely seen little glimpses of how much my Dh wants this as well. I feel better when I think of something that makes the wait seem worth it such as, more time as a married couple, more time to get finances in order, more time for Dh to finish his master's program. I have told him before that maybe God wanted us to wait so he can get his degree and then have more free time to spend with a baby. We know that everything happens for a reason and that God's timing is more perfect than anything we could hope for ourselves....but some days it just feels like it is just that much more time until we get to meet the little person who already seems a part of our family. In our hearts they sure are. We already have the names and all we need are the faces! It is such a bizarre feeling loving someone you've never met and being not sure that you ever will. All we can do is hope and pray that someday we will.
I said before that I still feel quite positive lately and that I feel our time is coming sooner than later.
I will begin my labs in a week or two and I know that we are headed in the right direction with an awesome doctor. We have also talked about adoption lately and I know that we are open to it, but pray that God will fling that door wide open if that is what He wants so there will be no doubt.
I have been more determined than ever lately to not sit and waste this time of waiting away. I do NOT want to be lazy! I am going to do all I can to make sure I can be the best wife, sister, daughter, Catholic I can be so that when God entrusts a little one to me, I can be the best mama possible! The prospect is scary and exciting all at the same time. Dh and I will surely be imperfect messes, but I pray that God will help us be good parents, and our wait with IF will ensure that we will not take any moments for granted.
I am thankful today for my awesome hubby
and pray we get to celebrate him as a dad soon.
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. "
-Albert Einstein
Monday, June 4, 2012
Over the freaking MOON
with excitement for my dear sister FMTP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Umm, hello miracle baby!!
This is literally the only thing I have been able to think about since they told Dh and I on Saturday morning. Everything I do and start thinking is quickly interrupted by....HOLY COW, J is HAVING A BABY!!!
Pregnancy announcements are usually so difficult to hear but this one was met with tears of pure surprise and joy and jumping up and down and ohmygoodnessisthisreallyhappening???! They have waited, prayed, cried, wondered, hoped and been through SO much and I am just beyond myself with JOY for this sweet, wonderful couple.
I will probably never ever understand God and His timing, but I know now the amazing feeling that can come from success after a long IF struggle. And it is not even happening to me! I am only feeling this secondhand and it only makes me more excited than ever for when our big day comes. I have read many of your blogs who have had exciting news to share recently and so I hope these miracles keep spreading to those of you who are still waiting..
This is the biggest dose of hope I have had in a loooong time. This is seriously like hope crack to me and I will probably be bugging her quite often for a fresh supply.
I have told her before that when I pray for all of us to conceive, I have prayed for her boat to come first, but that mine won't be too far behind ;)
Now hers has come and I am praying that God will let us all meet this sweet little soul in 9 months.
Today I am thankful to God that He has blessed this family.
Praying he will keep mama and baby safe and healthy.
And thankful for the reminder that miracles DO happen.
Ps. Thank you for the prayers for my appt on Friday. It was too late to start testing this cycle, so I will begin the full cycle bloodwork next time. Was a bit disappointed that we cannot start right away, but God's timing is perfect, right?
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