Friday, October 26, 2012
A very long, stressful week!
Well, here is my update but unfortunately it will be all over the place version due to my crazy emotions and the fact that I am actually out of town with Dh this weekend! I hope this all makes sense!
Remember on Monday when I was P+15?
Well, that day came and went. So did P+16, 17, 18, and today is P+19! Last month on clomid and HCG I started P+14 and I am typically 13 or 14.
I called my Drs office to see what to do on P+16 and they said to get bloodwork done on P+18. I got my blood drawn on Thursday at 9:30 and they told me it could be 2-3 days before I get results.
I started spotting (very light and bright red) on Wednesday. On Thursday it was mostly brown and today it has been brown and more red again.
I took two tests overall that were both negative this morning. I called my Drs office at 11 this morning to see if my results were there and they said they had received them. They wouldnt give me any results though until my Dr (Dr P) reviewed them. The lady said it would be sometime this afternoon. I called at 4:15 (they close at 5) and asked again. The nurse said he still had them but was almost done with last patient so said she would ask and call me back. She called back 5 min later. Apparently my numbers were inconclusive and she couldn't give me a definite yes or no answer!
I was expecting a definite "no" bc of the home tests! despite those though i was praying for a miracle "yes." If not a "yes" I was thinking I would at least get a certain "no" so we could move on and get going for next month. She said it is just too early to tell and that if I still haven't started by next Friday to call and I will take another blood test. (Next Friday! a whole week, is this normal??!)
I'm still having spotting (getting slightly heavier but still not all the way) but if AF was almost here, why couldn't/didn't the blood test just show a definite negative?! If I'm going to start, I'm wondering why it is this late and why it's not a definite negative, and if I am pregnant, I'm wondering why I my numbers are weird and I can't get a positive and why I'm having this spotting and if waiting that long to do anything will hurt the baby???
In addition to this, I have this random pelvicpain on my right side that started a few days ago. I didn't think much of it at first. I thought it started when I coughed and got a sharp pain. Today I've been feeling it more. It could totally be nothing but I just have no idea what is going on with me?! I dont normally make it past P+13 or 14 and now it's P+19! I am over-analyzing everything!!!
I have an appt with Dr P on Tuesday that was going to just be a follow up with how the clomid and HCG were going but now I'm going to have LOTS of questions for him!!! Why are they just waiting for my period to start?? If I am pg now and (God forbid) lose this little one, will I just start my period at some point and never really know for sure?!
Oh dear, Lord keep me sane.
I really just thought this would all be over and I could do a 'yes' or 'no' post soon which is why I haven't said anything till now.
This has been the loooooongest week!
I am really trying to pray hard and stay calm, but it is so hard not to freak out a bit!
Any prayers and advice would be so helpful, ladies!
God's will be done...even when it's not easy. I know He is taking care of us!
Monday, October 22, 2012
Hodge Podge of everything...and a blogoversary
I have been such a bad blogger.
I am behind on reading and commenting but I hope to catch up really soon! Please know that you have still been in my prayers!!
A few quick takes for today..
1. I accidentally put a virus on our computer..(rolls eyes, ugh, way to go, genius) so I am writing this on my phone until we (ahem, Dh) can fix things.
2. If you could please spare a prayer for my mom...she called last night and said her heart check results came back and she needs to make an appt with a cardiologist. They said nothing to worry seriously about yet but we are praying just in case. She has back and neck problems and just had laser eye surgery last month to fix her glaucoma. Her eyes are fine now but I know she is nervous this is something new and awful. She is so wonderful and sweet and offers up all her various pains for different people and many are for Dh and I to conceive. She had some really intense back pains a few years ago and always offered those up for my Dh when he was in Iraq.
3. We finished our St Therese Novena on P+9...the last day of my HCG shots.
My sister texted me that morning and asked if we had been prayed over for healing. She said the thought came to her in morning prayer. We have been praying for healing but had not done that directly. I said that since it was day 9 of our novena, I would take that as a sign and look into it! Yesterday after mass Dh and I waited for the crowd to clear out and went to ask the priest for a blessing for healing. I was a bit nervous! We introduced ourselves and told him we have been going to this church about 6 months now and we think we will register there. We said we had been trying to conceive for a few years and he was very compassionate and was happy to give us a blessing. He said a beautiful prayer over us, but I guess God has a sense of humor because it was so windy outside that during the prayer, his vestments began to fly around us and then up over his head! We finished the prayer with all three of us laughing and joked that it was the Holy Spirit. We walked away feeling thankful for the blessing and thankful to God for that lighthearted moment.
4. I realized the other day that it was one year ago this month that I started this blog! It has truly been a blessing to have this space to share my feelings and connect with all of you! I am so glad I am able to pray for you whether we are going through something similar or not and I just can't thank you enough for your prayers for me. This community is powerful!! So, happy birthdanniversary or something like that, little blog. Any lurkers out there I haven't "met" yet? Just curious because I was a lurker for a while before I jumped in too!
5. A while back I mentioned I was starting something for a little one to have once we get to meet them. It's not very long yet, but I got too excited when starting the initial "chain" so it is actually quite wide. It takes me a while to get through a whole row but I hope to get faster! ....Darn! I tried to put a picture up but blogger updated recently on my phone and is apparently different than last time. Oh well, maybe next time.
6. I think I mentioned that I love taking pictures. It has grown into a serious hobby (that could be more someday! ) and it definitely helps take my mind off IF. I am able to relate to moms and families when I can do it through photography. I've taken pictures for families with small kids and this amazing thing always happens. In the moment I am able to slip into this little world where my head fills with f-stops, golden lighting, shutter speeds and props and somehow I focus on getting the perfect shot rather than the sweet family on the other side of the lens that I want to be. I am still learning and devouring every bit of advice I can find online or elsewhere. My SIL is due with her baby girl any day now and I am busy getting props together for her newborn photo shoot. I really just want everything to be perfect (is that even possible?!) since this is a big deal! Excited and nervous!
7. But not even photography can keep my mind off the fact that I am P+15 today.
I am trying to stay calm. To not freak out or get too anxious or hopeful. I am failing though. It is all I can think about.
I can't even take a test because I'm on HCG and I don't think I could stand to see "pregnant" if its not really true. Pray, hope, and don't worry, right?
I'm sure trying..
Today I am thankful for life.
That we have our lives and lovely family and still will no matter the outcome of this week.
I am behind on reading and commenting but I hope to catch up really soon! Please know that you have still been in my prayers!!
A few quick takes for today..
1. I accidentally put a virus on our computer..(rolls eyes, ugh, way to go, genius) so I am writing this on my phone until we (ahem, Dh) can fix things.
2. If you could please spare a prayer for my mom...she called last night and said her heart check results came back and she needs to make an appt with a cardiologist. They said nothing to worry seriously about yet but we are praying just in case. She has back and neck problems and just had laser eye surgery last month to fix her glaucoma. Her eyes are fine now but I know she is nervous this is something new and awful. She is so wonderful and sweet and offers up all her various pains for different people and many are for Dh and I to conceive. She had some really intense back pains a few years ago and always offered those up for my Dh when he was in Iraq.
3. We finished our St Therese Novena on P+9...the last day of my HCG shots.
My sister texted me that morning and asked if we had been prayed over for healing. She said the thought came to her in morning prayer. We have been praying for healing but had not done that directly. I said that since it was day 9 of our novena, I would take that as a sign and look into it! Yesterday after mass Dh and I waited for the crowd to clear out and went to ask the priest for a blessing for healing. I was a bit nervous! We introduced ourselves and told him we have been going to this church about 6 months now and we think we will register there. We said we had been trying to conceive for a few years and he was very compassionate and was happy to give us a blessing. He said a beautiful prayer over us, but I guess God has a sense of humor because it was so windy outside that during the prayer, his vestments began to fly around us and then up over his head! We finished the prayer with all three of us laughing and joked that it was the Holy Spirit. We walked away feeling thankful for the blessing and thankful to God for that lighthearted moment.
4. I realized the other day that it was one year ago this month that I started this blog! It has truly been a blessing to have this space to share my feelings and connect with all of you! I am so glad I am able to pray for you whether we are going through something similar or not and I just can't thank you enough for your prayers for me. This community is powerful!! So, happy birthdanniversary or something like that, little blog. Any lurkers out there I haven't "met" yet? Just curious because I was a lurker for a while before I jumped in too!
5. A while back I mentioned I was starting something for a little one to have once we get to meet them. It's not very long yet, but I got too excited when starting the initial "chain" so it is actually quite wide. It takes me a while to get through a whole row but I hope to get faster! ....Darn! I tried to put a picture up but blogger updated recently on my phone and is apparently different than last time. Oh well, maybe next time.
6. I think I mentioned that I love taking pictures. It has grown into a serious hobby (that could be more someday! ) and it definitely helps take my mind off IF. I am able to relate to moms and families when I can do it through photography. I've taken pictures for families with small kids and this amazing thing always happens. In the moment I am able to slip into this little world where my head fills with f-stops, golden lighting, shutter speeds and props and somehow I focus on getting the perfect shot rather than the sweet family on the other side of the lens that I want to be. I am still learning and devouring every bit of advice I can find online or elsewhere. My SIL is due with her baby girl any day now and I am busy getting props together for her newborn photo shoot. I really just want everything to be perfect (is that even possible?!) since this is a big deal! Excited and nervous!
7. But not even photography can keep my mind off the fact that I am P+15 today.
I am trying to stay calm. To not freak out or get too anxious or hopeful. I am failing though. It is all I can think about.
I can't even take a test because I'm on HCG and I don't think I could stand to see "pregnant" if its not really true. Pray, hope, and don't worry, right?
I'm sure trying..
Today I am thankful for life.
That we have our lives and lovely family and still will no matter the outcome of this week.
Friday, October 5, 2012
A sharing the good post
I don't want this place to be merely a outlet to vent on those not so good days. I'd like to share more good things as well...because despite the struggles, my life really is chalk-full of good things as well, and of course I know this, but I think it's important for me to put them in writing now and then soo....
(hello run-on sentence. lol.)
1. I love waking up to a clean house! For some reason, it makes me feel like good things will happen today. We'll see if it stays that way this weekend..ha.
2. I like smoothies for breakfast.
3. I wanted to share this little gem I came across via a friend on fb this morning..again, no name for the quote, but I settled into these words this morning and felt such a peace after doing so.
"Wait for God's timing, but never doubt His ability. The same God who spoke you into creation, can just as easily change your circumstances."
This is definitely going on our bathroom mirror, like...today!!
4. I absolutely love pictures. But more on that later...today I will leave you will two very old pictures that I took several years ago, but they just seem to go with that anything can happen today theme.
5. Happy Friday y'all!
Thankful for good mornings and happy thoughts.
Little blessings are the best.
(hello run-on sentence. lol.)
1. I love waking up to a clean house! For some reason, it makes me feel like good things will happen today. We'll see if it stays that way this weekend..ha.
2. I like smoothies for breakfast.
3. I wanted to share this little gem I came across via a friend on fb this morning..again, no name for the quote, but I settled into these words this morning and felt such a peace after doing so.
"Wait for God's timing, but never doubt His ability. The same God who spoke you into creation, can just as easily change your circumstances."
This is definitely going on our bathroom mirror, like...today!!
4. I absolutely love pictures. But more on that later...today I will leave you will two very old pictures that I took several years ago, but they just seem to go with that anything can happen today theme.
5. Happy Friday y'all!
Thankful for good mornings and happy thoughts.
Little blessings are the best.
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